Those of you who are regular readers of my blog will both be aware that I can be devious when it suits me. This includes finding ways to modify, manipulate and control my children’s behaviour in whatever ways I can find.

I thought I would share this little bit of sneakery with you, in case any of your kids are as gullible as mine were, and you are sufficiently unscrupulous to try it...

Basically, tell your children that you have just heard the funniest joke EVER and that you really want to tell it to them. As part of the game (why on earth does this word make things so much easier – ‘hey kids, let’s play a tidying up game’) explain that you will tell it one word at a time, and the cost is not 1p, but one pea.

Yes folks, this is for mealtimes when you are struggling to force vegetables into the little darlings. Every time they eat a pea, you tell another word of the joke.

Alternatively, try a whole mouthful of mixed veg. in return for a sentence. I was stunned when this worked, to be honest, since due to my clearly exceptional parenting skills, both my children are deeply suspicious of anything that looks like it might actually contain a vitamin.

Just one thing – you must actually be able to tell a funny joke, or the whole thing is unlikely to work a second time.

Good luck – this advice is free, but if it works for you, please send £5 in a brown envelope to Bad-Dad, c/o Brighton and Hove Parents Forum. Better still, send it the amazing people at ‘Off The Fence Trust’...